For most actions that we perform at a given moment, there are others actions that cannot occur simultaneously. For instance, we cannot whisper and shout at the same moment. Whispering and shouting are incompatible states. They cannot co-exist at the same moment. This is also true of excessive physiological activity and relaxation. The two states are incompatible. You cannot be physiologically overactive and relaxed at the same time. This natural, inherent incompatibility provides you with the key to controlling excessive physiological activity. When relaxed, you cannot be physiologically overactive. If you are physiologically overactive, you need only to relax. Again, you need only to relax.

Relaxation, although important, is a very peculiar bodily state. We say this because you cannot force yourself to relax. The harder you try, the more tense and less relaxed you become. Instead, you must learn to allow yourself to relax. Actually, your most natural bodily state is one of relaxation and not of tension.

Again, we make ourselves tense and we allow ourselves to relax. While this is the key to relaxation, by itself it is useless in teaching you how to achieve a relaxed state. What you need is a specific exercise to practice until the relaxation response becomes automatic. The procedure outlined here is "progressive muscle relaxation."

Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique useful for achieving muscle relaxation and reducing excessive physiological arousal. The procedure consists of the systematic tensing and releasing of 12 muscle groups distributed throughout the body. For each muscle group, you simply tense and release the muscles twice. The relaxation that results from this procedure may be best understood by imagining a thermometer device that measures muscle tension. Assume that before beginning progressive muscle relaxation your tension level registers 60 units. If you tense your muscle briefly, the meter advances to a higher tension level of say 90. When you release your muscle, it drops below 60, to say a level of 40. Additionally, your muscle tension will remain at this more relaxed level until you purposely increase the tension. This shows the point that we made earlier: you make yourself tense and you allow yourself to relax. By tensing and releasing your muscles, you allow yourself to relax. It is really quite easy.

PHASE ONE: THE TWELVE GROUP METHOD

It is time to familiarize you with the muscle groups that you will be working with. The muscle groups, their order of tensing and an example of how you might tense them follows:

1. Right Hand and Forearm: Make a tight fist with your right hand.
2. Right Upper Arm: Tense or tighten the muscles of your right upper arm.
3. Left Hand and Forearm: Make a tight fist with your left hand.
4. Left Upper Arm: Tense or tighten the muscles of your left upper arm.
5. Forehead and Scalp: Raise your eyebrows as high as you can while keeping your eyes closed.
6. Face and Neck: Close your eyes tightly, wrinkle your nose and tense your neck.
7. Shoulders and Chest: Shrug and round off your shoulders in front of you.
8. Abdomen and Buttocks: Tighten your stomach muscles and buttocks.
9. Right Upper Leg: Tighten your right thigh.
10. Right Lower Leg and Foot: Point the toes of your right foot away from you and tighten the muscles of your calf.
11. Left Upper Leg: Tighten your left thigh.
12. Left Lower Leg and Foot: Point the toes of your left foot away from you and tighten the muscles of your calf.

There are some additional points you should know before beginning practice in progressive relaxation.

First, you should practice in a quiet environment. Your relaxation setting should be as free from noises and disturbances as possible. Bedrooms are good practice locations.

Second, during practice you should maintain a comfortable body position. You should not have to exert any muscular effort to maintain a certain position. Beds and Lazy Boy lounge chairs are useful in helping you to practice relaxation skills. In addition to finding a comfortable position you should remove eyeglasses, jewelry, shoes and loosen any binding clothes.

Third, you need a passive mental attitude. Remember, any attempt to force relaxation will fail. What you must do is to allow relaxation to occur. You are a passive recipient of the results of the relaxation procedure. So just clear your mind, lie back and allow relaxation to occur. Don't worry, if you just allow it to happen, it will happen.

Again, when practicing, you will increase your chances for success by finding a quiet environment, by maintaining a comfortable position and by keeping a passive mental attitude. Meeting these three conditions will enable you to receive the most from your practice sessions.

Speaking of practice, you should realize that relaxation skills are like all other skills. You must practice them to learn. If you do not practice initially, you will not learn the methods of quick and effective relaxation. Similarly if you do not practice after learning these skills, you will lose them.

As you gain the relaxation skills you will notice several events happening with your practice sessions. First, with each practice session, you will find it easier and easier to get a deep state of muscle relaxation. Also, with practice will find that the time spent to reach the relaxed state will become less and less.

Instructions for Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise Sessions

1. Find a quiet environment and have your child lie down on his back.
2. Instruct your child to close his eyes and breath slowly and deeply through his nose.
3. Beginning with his right hand and forearm, have your child take a deep breath and tense the muscles. The tension should last for 3-4 seconds.
4. He should then let his breath out while releasing the tension in his muscles. The relaxation phase should last 4-5 seconds. Tense and release each of the 12 groups twice before moving on to the next group.
5. Be careful not to allow him to fall asleep following the exercise. Relaxation will become a high energy state, but this change will be impossible if sleep interferes.
6. Keep in mind the importance of practice. After the first couple practices, relaxation will come far more quickly and easily.
7. Sometimes during the initial phase of relaxation practice the body feels odd. Often times the limbs might feel heavy or light or he may feel a bit dizzy or numb. These are very normal reactions and should not cause concern. In a few days he will control his body better than you. This is the first step in gaining control. In a short time relaxation will become a comfortable and pleasurable experience.
8. Following each practice session, record the date on Worksheet B located in the back of the book.
9. These instructions are for the first six practice sessions.